The Year That Changed Everything: Losing Both My Parents
Last year, my world shifted in a way I never saw coming. I lost both of my parents—four months apart. Writing those words still feels surreal. There’s a before and after in my life now, and I’m still learning how to live in the after.
Grief has no timeline and no rulebook. It arrives in waves—sometimes gentle and sometimes a tidal force that knocks the wind out of you. Some days I can function just fine. Other days, a song, a smell, or even a quiet moment hits like a lightning bolt of memory and I feel like I’m right back at day one.
Losing one parent is devastating. Losing both in such a short span feels like the foundation of your life has crumbled. They were my roots, my biggest cheerleaders, my history, and my home. I’ve had to sit with emotions I never wanted to feel, and ask questions I never thought I’d have to answer.
But I’ve also learned a few things about coping. I’m sharing them here in hopes they help someone else walking this path:
Let Yourself Grieve in Your Own Way
Grief isn’t linear. There’s no “right” way to mourn. I gave my self permission to cry, to scream, to laugh, to feel numb—whatever needed to happen in that moment.
Find Support
Whether it’s a grief counselor, therapist, support group, or simply a trusted friend, don’t go through it alone. Talking to others who understand the loss of a parent has been one of the most healing things I’ve done.
Keep a Connection
Sometimes I talk to my parents outload. It may sound strange, but keeping that connection helps me feel less alone and keeps their presence alive in my daily life. When I see or hear something funny-on the TV, radio, in everyday life-I can immediately hear my fathers responding-he had an answer for everything—a funny one!
Honor Their Memory
I’m doing small rituals to keep their memory alive like cooking their favorite meals, or wearing something that reminds me of them-their favorite colors. These small gestures help me feel close to them.
Be Gentle With Yourself
Grief is exhausting. It affects your mind, body and spirit. I’ve learned to be patient with myself and let go of expectations. Healing is not about “getting over it”—it’s about learning to carry the love and the loss together.
Allow Joy In
This was hard, and honestly, it still is. But I’ve started allowing moments of joy without guilt. Smiling doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten them. It means I’m honoring the life they gave me by continuing to live mine. And they would want this. Right before my dad passed last May, he was so excited to hear I was going “back to the future” so-to-speak, and pick up where I left off in NYC with a new ventures—diving into printwork, TV, modeling, etc..”-again. Why Not??
If you’re in the midst of loss, please know you’re not alone. It’s okay to not be okay. And it’s ok to smile again too.
I’ll never stop missing them. But I carry them with me—in my heart, in my stories, and in everything I do moving forward.
Love you, Mom and Dad
xoxo
